


Your Beauty Through My Lens

by Lord_Byron_Mudkippington



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington/pseuds/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington
Summary: Nozomi has always been a girl who's too amazing to approach. The only way Maki can get close to her is in the photographs she takes.
Relationships: Nishikino Maki/Toujou Nozomi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	Your Beauty Through My Lens

She had first noticed Nozomi back when μ's was in its infancy. She must have been watching out for them even back then. Of course, Nozomi's eyes were _also_ watching over her as well. There had been a thought in the back of her mind that knew it to be true, but her stubborn nature always held her back from admitting it. If she had been able to tell herself that Nozomi was the one who gave her the final push she needed to join μ's, then she may have been able to come to terms with her feelings a lot earlier than she actually did.

Her first picture of Nozomi came shortly after she and Rin joined μ's together with Hanayo. She wasn't sure what inspired her to take the picture. It just so happened that she was walking down the hall between classes and caught Nozomi speaking with a student. She seemed so effortlessly cool in that moment, and the student seemed captivated by what she was saying. They weren't the only one.

For whatever reason, she decided to put her bag down and pull out her camera. She had never considered herself a professional photographer by any means, but she enjoyed taking pictures as a hobby. They were mostly scenic photos, as she didn't feel comfortable taking them of other people. This time, however, she decided to break through that discomfort. Putting the camera to her face, she zoomed in and framed Nozomi perfectly.

It was strange, but when she saw Nozomi in her lens, she felt like her breath had been taken away. It was as if she couldn't handle the beauty she was attempting to photograph. Perhaps she was just _too_ beautiful for that, and no camera could ever hope to capture her in a way that properly suited someone like her. Those were thoughts too embarrassing for her to admit to, and she was blushing when she took her photo.

Sometimes she wondered if Nozomi ever noticed her taking those photographs. While her hobby _did_ get brought up from time to time, it was never asked _why_ her lens always fell on one specific girl. She had tried to deflect such questions from the beginning, taking pictures of the other girls to avoid suspicion. However, if one happened to look at her film reel, they would realize that the others were mere footnotes within the waves of purple hair that had quickly taken over her life.

It wasn't as if she didn't realize there was a problem. More and more of her waking moments were consumed by Nozomi. She clung to the banter they would have together during practice or club meetings, and she even began to dream about her during multiple nights. It was embarrassing to wake up knowing that she had been dreaming about one of the girls in μ's, but each time, she wished to fall back asleep and slip into a world where she felt confident enough to tell Nozomi the truth.

By the time the third years' graduation was fast approaching, she knew the truth: she was in love with Nozomi. It may have been the optimistic ideals of a teenager, but those tendrils had dug in deep. When she and the other girls agreed that μ's would disband following graduation, she was as heartbroken as the rest of them. Over the months they had spent together, she had grown closer to each and every one of them. She had found real, true friends, and she would miss the time they had all spent together. It just so happened that she would miss Nozomi the most.

As graduation day grew closer, she tried to take as many pictures of Nozomi as she could. She would usually hide behind hallway walls or climb trees outside to get her snapshots. It wasn't fun getting leaves stuck in her hair, but she knew it was worth it if she wanted to get the best shots possible. Again, she wasn't a professional, but she _was_ a perfectionist, and when it came to Nozomi, nothing less than perfection would do.

When the third years finally graduated, the remaining members of μ's sang for them. They sang, and they all cried, and for once she wasn't ashamed to admit that she had such emotions welling within her. She was able to hold it in better than the others though, for what that was worth. She wanted to get one more picture before it was over, so she remained strong as she pulled out her camera and took one final shot of Nozomi up on stage.

Afterwards, she noted how happy she seemed. She was looking at Eli and Nico with tears in her eyes, her whole face shining with warmth and life as she laughed about everything that had just happened. It was beautiful: a beautiful moment and a beautiful girl. That was what she noted later that night, though, after sitting on her bed for hours and just scrolling through picture after picture of the girl who had captivated her heart more than she ever imagined. In the moment the picture was taken, however, she excused herself so she could hide in the music room and cry.

These weren't the shallow tears of before, where she was as sad as the others to know they were leaving. These were hot, heavy tears, scarring down her cheeks as she hid her face against her knees. She had her back to the door, acting as a barricade in case anyone decided to try and come in. Her body was wracked with sobs, and she couldn't remember another time in her life that she had felt so wretched. She probably hadn't even cried this hard when she was an infant.

Nozomi was going to leave for university. Her time in high school as well as her time in μ's was done. Worse than that, there would be no more time to hang around her juniors like she used to. There would be new, harder coursework, as well as the travel it would take to get back home from her preferred university. She would make new friends, as well as keeping open communication with Eli and Nico. They were her main friends, after all: the ones who were her age, and who had been there first.

Scalding jealousy clawed at her heart, as much as she wished she wasn't so weak as to feel those emotions. She was jealous that Eli and Nico got to spend so much time with Nozomi. In her lowest moments, like right then, she felt that they didn't know how good they had it. They took for granted all the moments they got to share with the most beautiful girl in the room, while she remained on the outside, just out of reach.

That wasn't their fault, though. She could have made more time for Nozomi. She could have asked her to hang out, or spent more time around her after workouts. Instead, she just stood at a distance, taking her meaningless photographs and wishing that she was strong enough to admit her feelings. Obviously she never had, and it was too late. She had known it would be too late, but it didn't make it any easier to handle when the time actually came.

In her misery, she almost smashed her camera. It would have been a petulant fit, and an expensive one at that. Not in money, but in memories: her glimpses of life with Nozomi in it would've been gone, and she would have truly been left with nothing. Instead of making another big mistake, she got back up and trudged back to the auditorium to face her original mistake.

"Maki?" She was stopped in her tracks, eyes wide as she saw Nozomi standing at the other end of the hall. Smiling, she wiped a few stray tears from her eyes and headed towards her. "I was looking for you. Honoka said you left after the ceremony, but she didn't know why." She couldn't move: she was frozen in place, watching her year-long crush walking her way. No matter how many times Nozomi might direct attention to her, she felt like a shy, lovelorn loser.

"I, uh... I just needed some air." She started to twirl a strand of hair around her finger, looking elsewhere. She couldn't come up with a better lie, and she was sure that Nozomi knew it. There was no one better at seeing right through someone, digging down to their very soul no matter how much they tried to hide it. She couldn't even remember the numerous times Nozomi had clowned on her or dragged her out of self-imposed misery, forcing her to come back to the group when they needed her - and when she needed them.

"Nothing better than the air in a school hallway." Nozomi giggled, clearly clowning on her junior. She rolled her eyes, but it was obvious Nozomi hadn't come to find her just so she could make a joke. The air grew surprisingly serious the moment the laughter died down. It was like everything had grown solid, pressing down on her shoulders. She could see that Nozomi wanted to mention something important, if her expression was any indication.

Then she smiled, as if the tension had never been there in the first place. That was when Maki noticed she had her third year ribbon in her hand. She was confused for a moment, and then it hit her. There was only one reason why Nozomi would be looking for her while also holding her ribbon. Her throat was suddenly dry as Nozomi took her hand.

"I wanted to give you this, Maki." She quickly tied the ribbon around her wrist, letting go to examine her handiwork. Maki did the same, feeling a massive knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Her emotions were waging war inside her as she slowly looked up at Nozomi. She seemed sad, but also happy, like both emotions didn't want to give an inch to the other. "You'll accept it, right?"

"Yes, of... of course I will..." Any hope of being her usual strong, aloof self was gone when she saw the tears in Nozomi's eyes. She broke down completely, falling into Nozomi's arms and sobbing on her shoulder. "I'm sorry..." She babbled out her apologies, though she wasn't really sure what she was apologizing for. It could have been for getting her shirt wet, or maybe for crying in the first place. It certainly wasn't like her to do so.

"Don't, Maki. It's okay." Nozomi soothed her as she always did, stroking her back and murmuring softly in her ear. "I'll still come visit you all, I promise." It almost made her laugh at how close, yet how far Nozomi was to the truth of the matter. Apparently her feelings towards her senior were not as obvious as she had thought they were. That was both relieving and upsetting, but there wasn't much she could do about it. She had already resigned herself to never telling Nozomi her true feelings, and that was the decision she would have to live with. No matter how much less of a life being without Nozomi was.

"Thank you," she whispered, and she meant it. There was just more within those two words, and she wished that she was strong enough to say what they were. Maybe she had just been a weak, scared little girl all along.

* * *

Life moved faster than she could have ever expected. One moment she was crying in Nozomi's arms, wishing that she didn't have to graduate. The next, the second years had already graduated, and her own graduation was approaching. Both Hanayo and Rin were excited about it, and she tried to be excited with them. It was tough when she couldn't stare down the future that was waiting for her.

When she graduated, she would be going to a medical school where she again wouldn't know anybody. It reminded her of entering Otonokizaka for the first time, but this time it felt even more daunting. Back then, she had become used to not having friends, and she deluded herself into not caring if she had any or not. Now that she knew what it was like to have them, losing them was much more terrifying. Sure, they could still text each other, and they could have phone calls or video chats, but it wouldn't be the same.

Nearly two years after the third years had graduated, her mind was still consumed with thoughts of Nozomi. She had still never confessed: not to Nozomi, and not to anyone else. She kept those feelings close to the vest like always. When she was alone in her room, she tended to look through the pictures she had taken over that lone, glorious year. Sometimes it felt like all she had left of that time. They were selfish thoughts, since she could still text her friends, and both Hanayo and Rin were still in her classes. It just wasn't the same anymore.

Sometimes she would lay in bed and tie Nozomi's ribbon around her wrist again. She would hold her arm up and slowly turn her hand, staring at the ribbon. It felt right, but she never failed to cry eventually. Thinking about everything changing, about her life drifting further away from Nozomi, put her into week-long funks that she struggled to get out of. She knew how much of an emotional drain she must have been on her friends, and it made her think that maybe it was better for them if they drifted apart.

As her graduation closed in, Rin sent a text to their group chat saying they needed to have a party to celebrate. It would be a true graduation party, as all of them would have officially left Otonokizaka, the school they had loved so much they created an entire idol group just to save it. Of course, it wasn't that they _should_ have a party, but that they _needed_ to. That was such a Rin thing to say.

It was a very μ's thing to have everyone agree, and it was a very μ's thing to corral her into letting them use her family's vacation home for it. She could scowl all she wanted, but she knew it was just a matter of her having more money than the rest of them. If she had ever thought they were using her for her wealth, they had never given much indication of that being true.

Graduation came and went, and for the third time she cried at one of them with her friends. In a way, the multiple times she had to go through it made it sting less. Sure, she was sad, but she had already been a sobbing mess at the first graduation. Now she was just a pit of misery, eyes downcast to avoid staring her fated future in the face. Plus, there was the 'true graduation' party to worry about. She had only seen Nozomi a couple of times in the past two years. It was a reunion she both was anxiously awaiting and also dreading.

On that day, she was there several hours before anybody was supposed to show up to make sure that the cleaners hadn't missed anything. Admittedly, the place wasn't used as much as it had been during her first year in high school. There likely hadn't been much to clean up in the first place, but she wanted to make sure it still felt lived in for her friends. Plus, it gave her a chance to sit in the house alone and feel sick to her stomach about what was to come.

She was going to see Nozomi again. The girl - well, young _woman_ now - was someone she still held a candle for, even though it only served to hurt her. It wouldn't surprise her if it turned out that Nozomi was dating someone. She was charismatic, interesting, _and_ hot: who wouldn't want to go out with her? There wouldn't have been a point in waiting when she had no idea her sad, stupid friend was clinging to old feelings that couldn't possibly be reciprocated.

Her stomach was feeling so distraught that she ended up vomiting in the bathroom. She felt wretched, and nobody had even shown up. As if on cue, the doorbell rang as she was cleaning herself up. Hanayo and Rin had come over to help her get ready before the others showed up, which was nice of them. She thought about how she had believed Eli and Nico took Nozomi for granted, and she wondered if she did the same for Hanayo and Rin. It wouldn't be the first time she was a raging hypocrite, as Rin would be sure to remind her.

They hung out together while waiting for the others to come over, getting things ready and chatting about the future. Maki didn't want to think about that, so she remained silent and distant most of the time. She would speak enough to avoid suspicion, but otherwise she just let herself get lost in her own meandering mind. It was not a fun place to be, rest assured.

Eventually she was roused from the dregs of her brain by the ringing of the doorbell. In rapid succession, the rest of their friends came in, exchanging hugs, hellos, and statements like 'how are you it's been so long'. She was glad to see all of them, she truly was. However, their arrivals weren't on her mind when she opened the door and found Nozomi standing there.

She had always known that Nozomi was attractive. That was not a statement that needed to be made, but _wow_ did she look good. She had dressed relatively nice for the party, with a lace-gated lavender shirt and a flowy black skirt. The shirt had a surprisingly tasteful amount of cleavage, while the skirt went just below her knees. All things considered, it was a normal outfit, well-suited for the event they were throwing. What made it look so nice?

"Maki! It's so nice to see you!" Maybe it was how her hair flowed down her back, unencumbered by her old hair ties. It looked mature on her, and her byzantium locks seemed to shine under the sun as she went in for a hug. Maki was nearly swept off her feet by the force of Nozomi's embrace, but she quickly returned it with only a moment's hesitation. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Nozomi." She laid her head on Nozomi's shoulder, subtly inhaling her scent. As weird as it sounded, knowing that she still smelled like Nozomi was a great comfort to her. They stood there like that, as if time itself had stopped to allow them as much of a moment together as they wished. Then they heard a cough behind them. Maki only had to open her eyes to see Nico standing on the porch, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Are you two going to keep blocking the way or what?" Scowling, Maki moved out of Nozomi's arms, blushing slightly as she got out of the way. Nozomi did the same, though with a more graceful air about her. The moment Nico entered the house, the two of them were conversing and getting in little digs at each other like old times. They probably hadn't missed a beat because they kept in touch. The old feelings of jealousy reared its ugly head once again.

As soon as she had her reunion with Nozomi, she needed to get away. With the two of them distracted, she slipped away from the door and headed off for her room. One perk of having a family-owned vacation home was that she could choose which bedroom she wanted to sleep in. Away from the rest of her friends, she pressed her back against the door and shuddered. She lifted up her left arm and looked at Nozomi's high school ribbon, tied around her wrist. It reminded her how close her crush was, yet how far.

Her attention was then drawn to her nightstand, where her camera was. She slowly walked over, picking up her camera and holding it close to her chest. It felt like lead in her hands, heavy with every memory she had of Nozomi. A few errant tears trickled down her cheeks, and she had to cradle the camera in one hand so she could quickly wipe them away. There was no time for crying: she had to be a good host.

She took the camera out of her room and headed back to where the others were gathered. Of course, the moment she was seen, everybody wanted their picture taken. They figured it was a group photo, and she was willing to play along. She had them all gather together, Nico loudly complaining when she was forced into the front. Eventually everyone stood still long enough for her to take a picture, the smiling faces of μ's staring back at her. All but hers, anyway.

"You have to be in the picture too!" Honoka declared, bum-rushing her and trying to drag her over towards the group. She tried to explain that her camera wouldn't take a wide-enough shot without someone holding it back where she had been standing. If any one of them took the picture, then they also wouldn't be in the shot. It didn't have an auto-shoot either. She didn't mind not being in the photograph anyway. That was what she said, at least.

"It's not a problem." Nozomi spoke up next, pulling a selfie stick out of her purse. She was honestly surprised that wasn't something Nico always carried on her person. Regardless, she watched as Nozomi popped her phone into the holder and invited everyone to gather around her. Before she could move, Nozomi grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close, making her yelp as she nearly dropped her camera. She held it tight to her chest as a late reflex, but she stayed next to Nozomi.

Nozomi extended the selfie stick as far as it could go. Even then, everybody had to crowd in real close. Everyone was pushing and shoving, letting out indignant cries each time someone bumped into them. There was nearly an argument when Eli suggested she could put Nico on her shoulders, but Umi forced everyone to shut up and take the dang picture. So they did: everyone put on their best smiles and said 'Cheese!'

"Looks good!" Nozomi smiled brightly, showing off the picture. Everybody crowded around to see, murmuring their assent. "And we got Maki in it too. It's not μ's without Maki, after all." She felt a lump forming in her throat, her cheeks warming up at Nozomi's remark. It was true: obviously she was a member of μ's. She had been the group's composer, after all. Still, it felt nice to hear her say it.

The group splintered off after that, roaming around the house to eat and have conversations to catch up on the past couple years. Maki went back to her room alone, setting the camera down on her nightstand and turning to face the window. She pulled back the curtains, taking a look at the beach her vacation home oversaw. It looked beautiful under the sun, with the sea shining a perfect blue. There were no gray clouds to lessen the light, nor random beachgoers to kick up a bunch of sand. As much as a beach should be used by people, it was nice to see it vacant. When nobody else was around was when its true beauty could be seen.

Knowing that she was alone, she was able to take in a deep breath, then let it out in a long sigh. She could still visualize the first time she had been on this very beach with her friends. They had all been playing around and having fun while her and Nico sat under the shade of their umbrellas. She had thought about that moment a lot in the intervening years, and she knew that she regretted it. If only she had gone out there and opened up instead of keeping herself closed off like she always did. Maybe she would have found the courage to tell Nozomi the truth before it was too late.

"Hmm, there sure are a lot of pictures of me." She froze in place, eyes widening. Try as she might, she couldn't make herself move from her spot. There was no doubt that was Nozomi's voice behind her. She was back there looking through her camera, seeing more than she likely needed to. It was too late to do anything: she hadn't heard Nozomi enter the room, leaving her with no way of intercepting her before she could reach the camera.

"Nozomi..." She didn't know what to say. Perhaps she should apologize for taking so many photographs without permission. The apology wouldn't come out, nor would any other words. She couldn't even look back to face Nozomi, to see what sort of expression she had on her face. If she stayed silent for long enough, maybe Nozomi would get annoyed with her and leave, allowing her to continue stewing in her contemplative self-pity.

That didn't happen, and in a way, she knew it wouldn't. It wasn't in Nozomi's nature to leave well enough alone. She could feel Nozomi's presence near her without having to turn around. Her wrist was suddenly being grabbed, and in her peripheral vision she could see Nozomi gazing curiously at it. It was the one with Nozomi's ribbon tied around it. She obviously recognized it, and naturally she would be curious about why it was being worn. Truthfully, Maki _wanted_ her to be curious. It was as if something inside her was making her wear it, forcing her to try and confront Nozomi with her feelings: something she would never do of her own volition.

"I'm surprised you still wear this. I expected you'd put it in a box somewhere and forget about it." When she turned to get a better look at Nozomi, she was surprised to see relief in her eyes. It was strange enough that she believed she was imagining it, but she recognized that look. She had seen it in Honoka's eyes when she had agreed to join μ's, and in Umi's eyes when Kotori acquiesced to adding a couple more inches back to her costume. It was a rarity to see it in Nozomi's eyes, though.

"How could I forget?" She let out a laugh, pressing two of her fingers against the ribbon. Their fingers were so close to touching, but neither of them seemed willing to bridge the gap. "You gave it to me, and that makes it important. I... wanted to always have it with me, as a memento of our time together." She had her photographs, of course, but she had taken those on her own. This was something that Nozomi had specifically given to her. It was something she would always treasure, even if Nozomi faded out of her life completely.

"I'm happy to hear that," and she really _did_ seem happy. The smile on her face seemed genuine, which was always nice to see. During her inadvertent photoshoots, she had begun to notice that sometimes the smile on Nozomi's face didn't reach her eyes. It was subtle, and she hadn't noticed it at first. Because of how closely she always looked at Nozomi, however, she began to see the difference. It never felt good to see that there was something bothering Nozomi, and knowing she didn't have the strength to ask her about it.

"Did you really think I would get rid of it? That would be rude." She looked away from Nozomi, more to collect her thoughts than anything else. It felt like she was right on the precipice of being asked the question she needed to be asked. She was holding her breath, her heart hammering in her chest. This was what Nozomi did best: dig and prod until her friends' secrets lay bare in front of her. If she didn't, then Maki would take her feelings to the grave.

"No, I suppose not." Nozomi smiled, but there was something she wanted to say. Looking at her again made it obvious: it was written all over her face. She wasn't sure if she could breathe anymore: her windpipe wasn't working. She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears, drowning out all other noise except for a strange static covering the room. Was she having an anxiety attack or was she dying? "How come you took so many pictures of me, Maki?"

"Huh?" She thought that Nozomi's question would bring everything back to normal, like a snapping of her fingers. It was what she had known would be asked, and it was the question that would finally make her admit to all of her feelings. It was the only way to confess: it was the only way she knew how. The words wouldn't come out, though, and the air felt thick with static. It was weighing her down. "I think... I think I'm dying." It was a silly thing to say, and she would never have if she was in a better state of mind. Instead, she unceremoniously collapsed onto her knees, tugging on her shirt as if it was constricting her breathing.

"Maki?!" Nozomi dropped to her knees, her question forgotten as she grabbed Maki's cheeks and forced her to look her in the eyes. "What's happening?!" The walls felt like they were closing in on her, trying to smash her flat. She had tunnel vision, and all she could see in front of her was Nozomi's wide, worried eyes. That wasn't right. She didn't want Nozomi to be worried.

"I'm fine," she panted out, trying to wave Nozomi off. As much as she wanted to fall face down on the ground and pass out, she made herself stand up again, but her vision was still out of sorts. The static hum of the room was buzzing in her ears, and she was sure that the pressure was going to push her down again. Thinking of confessing to Nozomi was giving her some kind of attack. "Don't worry about me."

"Too late for that." Frowning deeply, Nozomi grabbed her by the arm and started pulling her towards the bed. There wasn't any way for her to resist: her body felt limp, and she gratefully collapsed on the bed as soon as she reached it. Everything went dark, and it gave her a reprieve. She didn't have to focus on the room around her: just her breathing and her heartbeat. Anxiety had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember, but it had never been that bad before.

She didn't expect Nozomi to leave. There was a part of her mind that thought Nozomi's time would be better served going back to the party and enjoying herself. That wasn't what she did, though, and it was a relief to have Nozomi stay there with her. The two of them spent some time in silence, with Nozomi rubbing her back soothingly with one hand. It was comforting just to have her presence. The static was starting to fade out.

"Maki?" She heard Honoka at the door. Their absences must have been felt, and she could hear the concern in Honoka's voice. She wanted to sit up and say she was alright, but there wasn't enough energy left in her arms to push her upwards. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Nozomi responded smoothly, still stroking Maki's back. "She just wanted to lay down a moment. If anyone asks, can you let them know we're okay? We'll be back soon. Oh, and can you also close the door, please?" There were several moments of silence, making Maki wonder if Honoka had just decided to walk off. She hadn't heard anything, though. Honoka wasn't one for being quiet or sneaky. Was there something going on?

"Okay, I will." Honoka's agreement was followed by the sound of the door closing. Now the two of them were alone again, but all Maki could think about was laying in the darkness. Her thoughts had run around her brain so fast that they had coalesced into a blur of a mobius strip. There was nowhere for her to penetrate and latch onto one sole thought, so she had given up and let it all pound against her forehead like a dull headache.

Eventually, she finally did sit back up, slowly opening her eyes and letting her room come back into focus. Whatever had hit her, it had passed: her vision was clear, and the static had faded out. Her heart didn't feel like it was about to give out. She sighed softly, turning to once again meet the concerned eyes of her crush.

"Are you feeling better?" Nozomi's concern was more comforting than anyone else's would be. Not that she wouldn't appreciate the concern of her friends, but her feelings for Nozomi were a lot bigger than just friends. 

"Yes, thank you." She sat up fully, swinging her legs over the bed and sitting next to Nozomi. Rather than meeting her eyes again, she chose to stare down at her lap. Her fingers drummed a rhythm on her upper legs, as if she had to do something with them. It made her feel like Honoka. "So, you... wanted to know why I took so many pictures of you." Her anxiety started to creep back up again, but it was normal, 'Don't say something stupid' anxiety. That was something she knew how to live with.

"Yes. Maybe you find me especially photogenic?" Nozomi giggled, but it stopped rather quickly. They both knew there was more to it than that, and it was only a matter of time before the truth came out. If Nozomi knew exactly what kind of truth was about to come out, she didn't make a show of it. For once, she just sat there quietly and waited for Maki to say something.

"Yes, I do." She smiled wistfully, remembering how she would look out the window while in class, wondering if Nozomi was out there eating lunch with Eli and Nico. That was something she had never gotten a picture of, though she had thought about it often. It made her wonder if Nozomi had her guard down while surrounded by her two best friends. Did she _ever_ have her guard down? Heh, that was a question the both of them needed to answer, now that she thought about it. "You're much more beautiful in person than in my photographs, though."

"Oh." She looked up to find Nozomi blushing: it was slight, but there was a noticeable dusting of pink on her cheeks. It was rare to get to see her blush, and she strongly considered reaching over for her camera to capture the moment. She thought better of it, though. "I never took you for a sweet talker, Maki." Yeah, she didn't think of herself that way either. This was a special occasion, though.

"You're worth it." She knew she was blushing too, but she pressed on. "Is it alright if I give you something?" 

"You don't have to ask permission for that," Nozomi responded, tilting her head slightly. She was clearly curious as to what Maki had for her. Standing up, Maki went to the nightstand and opened up the drawer. Inside was her own third year ribbon, which she had removed from her uniform that morning. It felt strange to do so, but she had a feeling that she would have use for it that day. Now was that time.

She sat back down on the bed, seeing Nozomi's eyes looking at the ribbon. There was a lump forming in her throat, but she forced herself to swallow it down. This wasn't the time for being scared, even if she wanted nothing more than to declare she was fine and hurriedly head back to the party. Instead, she took Nozomi's wrist in her hands and tied the ribbon around it.

"You gave me your ribbon when you graduated. I think it's only right that I give you mine." As hard as it was, she made herself look into Nozomi's eyes. She felt the familiar feeling of getting lost in them, which she had often done while staring at her through the lens of her camera. Looking hard enough, she could see her own reflection staring back at her. She wondered, not for the first time, if she was in her right mind.

"You're supposed to give your ribbon to an underclassman," Nozomi laughed, touching the ribbon now tied around her wrist. "Wasn't there someone else you wanted to give this to?" She knew that it wasn't traditional to give her ribbon to someone who had already graduated, but there was no one else worthy of it. All of her underclassmen were just that: classmates. They didn't hold a special place in her heart like Nozomi did. The choice had been obvious from the beginning.

"No, there wasn't. I didn't want to give this to anyone but you." She was resolute in her decision. She grabbed Nozomi's hand, their matching ribbons close together. "I... I took those pictures of you because I have feelings for you. I've had them since the moment I met you." There was pressure forming around her brain, but she forced herself to continue. It wouldn't be fair to give up that secret, then clam up right afterwards.

"I couldn't tell you, though. I was... Well, you know how I am." Blushing hard, she took to her usual tic: twirling her hair around her finger. It helped to distract her, or perhaps it just made her seem disinterested. Nozomi had always been able to see through that, though. Or she had never been good at hiding it in the first place. "I was scared. I knew you would say no. I didn't know how to say it. So I just... let you go." She smiled helplessly, seeing the surprise on Nozomi's face. Was this the one thing Nozomi _didn't_ know?

"That was stupid of you." Nozomi's response caught her completely off guard. Her jaw dropped, words forming in her brain and refusing to get sent down to her lips. Normally being called stupid would set her off, but hearing it from Nozomi in that moment had her frozen. She couldn't even speak properly to ask Nozomi what that was supposed to mean, and what she said next just made things more confusing. "But I suppose I'm just as stupid, huh? I didn't say anything either."

"About me liking you?" What was Nozomi talking about? Just because she didn't know one single thing didn't make her stupid. Maybe it was something she had contracted from hanging around Nico too much.

"No, about _me_ liking _you_." Again Nozomi laughed, but it was more hollow than it had been before. "I wish I knew when it first started, you know? When I first met you, I could tell how much you needed a group like μ's. You were proud, beautiful, talented, and so very lonely. I saw you outside the auditorium, listening to Honoka, Kotori, and Umi singing. I had no idea that I would eventually fall in love with you." She looked down at her wrist, at Maki's ribbon around it, before continuing.

"I was so happy seeing you grow up in the group. You had friends, and you weren't that same grumpy girl who wouldn't admit to anything." Appropriately enough, Maki scowled slightly at that, not wanting to admit it. She was just proving Nozomi's point, of course. "I think I had feelings for you then, but I didn't know it until the jealousy set in. You'll think I'm silly, but I felt sad when I'd see you spending time around Honoka." She tried to smile through the self-deprecation, but it was obvious she was faking it.

"Wait, _Honoka_? You were jealous of _Honoka_?" Being told that Nozomi had the same feelings as her had almost made her heart stop. It was as if she was in a fever dream brought on by her anxiety crossing a threshold it had never crossed before. She hadn't had any idea how to respond to it, but she knew how to respond to this reveal: with utter confusion. Not that she would _ever_ believe Nozomi could be jealous, but of Honoka? Out of all people?

"Have you ever heard someone say that I brought μ's together?" She nodded, having definitely heard that from both Eli and Honoka. It was true in her eyes: Nozomi named the group, and she was the one who gave Eli the push she needed to join up with them. Without that, Eli would have never accepted their group as legitimate, and who knows where they'd be now. "Well, that's an exaggeration. I may have helped, but it was really Honoka who did all the work. She brought most of us in, including you."

"Does that matter? That doesn't make you any less important." That didn't explain why Nozomi would be jealous of Honoka. So what if Honoka had a big role in μ's? It _was_ her idea, after all. That didn't matter to her.

"I could tell how much she meant to you. Since she found you in the music room, she's always been so encouraging of you. It felt like... I couldn't be that for you. Not in the way I wanted to." For once, it seemed as if Nozomi was at a loss for words. It still didn't make any sense to Maki. She was baffled, and it led her to stay silent, which meant the room fell silent as well. Both of them struggled to bring the conversation back.

"Nozomi..." She finally summoned up as much courage as she could, and for once it was _her_ who was breaking an awkward silence. Usually she was the one who created it. "Honoka's my friend, and yes, she encouraged me to join μ's. That doesn't mean I'm in _love_ with her. She's a great friend, and I _do_ love her, but... not like you. I'm going to prove it, okay?" Her face started to heat up as she looked away from Nozomi, wishing she hadn't said that. It was too late to go back, though.

"Okay?" She could hear the confusion in Nozomi's voice, but she couldn't look up yet. She was too busy steeling herself for what she was about to do. It went against everything that made her who she was, but this was a moment where it was too important to not go against herself. Finally, she looked up, staring right into Nozomi's eyes. She grabbed her hand, curling their fingers together and holding on. Then she leaned in, her eyes closing as her lips began to quiver. Before she could talk herself out of it, she closed the distance and kissed Nozomi.

Well, she had done it now. There was no taking back a kiss. She could pretend that it hadn't happened, and she was likely to do so, but it didn't change the truth. Pulling back, she could again hear her heart hammering in her head. She wondered if she was about to have another anxiety attack, and she focused desperately on Nozomi to try and stave it off. What did she think? Did she like it? Was it unwarranted? She couldn't possibly misinterpret it, right?

"Did you... Did you really mean that?" For the first time in years, Nozomi appeared _shy_. It reminded her of when they all went to Nozomi's house and she was embarrassed at having pictures of them all with her. She was definitely shyer now than she was then, though. It really didn't fit her. Nozomi was many things, but shy wasn't one of them.

"What do you mean? Of course I meant it! I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't." Now _she_ was embarrassed, no surprise. She looked at her camera instead, her face burning. It appeared that she had used up all her courage, and she wasn't going to be able to get it back. She balled her hands up on her lap, swallowing thickly. What was she supposed to do now? What if she had gone too far?

"Then..." Nozomi was suddenly closer to her. Her head was being tilted to the side so that Nozomi could look at her, her eyes misty as she smiled. "... I guess it's okay if I mean it too." She leaned in and kissed Maki, returning the favor. When she didn't pull away immediately, Maki decided to kiss her back. It was better than anything she could have ever imagined. No fantasies of kissing Nozomi under the stars could compete with how her lips actually tasted. As embarrassing as it was to say, kissing Nozomi was so nice that it actually made her start to cry.

When they finally pulled away, she found out that she wasn't the only one. Through her tears, she could see Nozomi was crying as well. "Why are you crying, Maki? Was it that bad?" Of course Nozomi would be joking around at a time like this. She lifted her hand and started trying to wipe away Maki's tears, but Maki pushed her hand away.

"Of course it wasn't bad! And why are you asking me why I'm crying? Why are _you_ crying?" She huffed, though it sounded more like a whine, and started wiping Nozomi's tears away instead. Nozomi started to laugh, a genuine, happy laugh as she let Maki try to clean her up. "I hope you don't think _my_ kissing was bad." She was embarrassed, but she was feeling too emotional to let it stop her.

"Of course not. You've got such nice lips, Maki." Still laughing, Nozomi wrapped Maki up in a hug, allowing them to both cry freely. It didn't feel as terrible as she thought it would be, though. In fact, it kind of felt... freeing. Yes, she'd cried at the previous graduation, but since she broke down in the music room after the first one, she had been much more reserved. She didn't want to cry: she hated feeling weak. Yet it felt so freeing to let it all out, but only in front of Nozomi. No one else was allowed to see it.

"I feel so stupid..." Silence had descended upon them for a bit, but it was more comforting than any previous silence. Of course, she had to ruin it by speaking again. "I wanted to say something to you, to tell you how I feel, but I couldn't, and I just let you go..." The tears started coming back, but Nozomi was quick to start wiping them away again.

"Then I'm stupid too. I never acted on my feelings either. It wasn't just Honoka either. I couldn't imagine that you would feel for me in the same way I did for you." She smiled a watery smile, having no time to wipe away her own falling tears. "Doesn't that make me dumber than you?"

"Uh, no? I _also_ didn't act on my feelings, so _I'm_ dumber- What am I saying?" She shook her head, grabbing Nozomi's hands in hers. Looking down once more, she found a certain serenity in their matching ribbons. It gave her strength she wasn't sure she had. "I can't back down from this now. Nozomi, I love you. My feelings haven't changed in the last two years. I know how tough it will be, with us going to different universities, and what my future is going to be like, but I want to try. There's no one else I would want to try this with but you. So will you... will you go out with me?" She wasn't sure if she was blushing or if she just hadn't stopped blushing in the first place. Saying that made her feel like a typical schoolgirl rather than who she actually was.

"Do you even have to ask?" Nozomi giggled at the frown on Maki's face. Of course she had to ask! What if after all that, Nozomi was going to admit that she had moved on? It... didn't make any sense, but for her own sake, she had to ask. "Of course I will! I know it won't be easy, but nothing good ever is." Her smile was so bright, it threatened to blind Maki in its radiance. Then it was against her lips, and she lost herself in the sweet sensation of her brand new girlfriend's kiss.

Despite what she had said, she still knew she was a complete dunce. An idiot on the level of Honoka, Rin, and Nico. It was this easy, huh? She could have bared her feelings before Nozomi graduated and had two full school years of a happy relationship with an attractive university girl. Instead, she had been her stupid, stubborn self, and those years had gone by wasted. She knew that she should be happy, and she was, but tears still fell because of what she had missed.

"Don't you think it's fate that this happened, Maki?" She frowned slightly, looking up at Nozomi. What did she mean by that? She tilted her head, letting her explain. "We're kinda similar, you and I. We grew up with distant families and a lack of friends. We put on our masks so nobody could see how much we were hurting inside, until μ's helped us start shedding them." She made a motion across her face, as if she was pulling something off of it. "I'm ready to throw my mask away, though. I don't need it when I'm with you."

"I'm not-" She stopped herself, thinking about what she was going to say. _'I'm not wearing a mask!'_ But she was. When was she ever honest with her feelings? That was what Nozomi had always known. In a way, she had known the same about Nozomi. She wasn't emotionally intelligent enough to truly understand, but she had always known that the Nozomi they all knew wasn't what she appeared to be. Shaking her head, she made the same motion as Nozomi, childish as it was. "Okay, you're right. We don't need our masks when we're with each other."

"Yay!" Nozomi happily tackled her, making her yelp as she was forced onto her back. She only got to look up at Nozomi for a moment before her vision was obscured, her lips alight with Nozomi's taste. It may have been the so-called honeymoon phase, but she felt that each kiss was just as powerful as the last. She wrapped her arms tight around Nozomi's body, wanting it to last forever. Maybe they could just lay there until everybody left without realizing their absence.

Of course, they couldn't do that. There was one thing she wanted to do before they had to return to the party, though. Getting out from under Nozomi, she stood up and grabbed her camera. "Nozomi, can I take a picture of you? You can just sit on the bed if you want." She wanted a photograph of Nozomi, but this one would be different. It wouldn't be a picture taken from afar, the yawning gap of her feelings seemingly a bridge too rickety to cross. This time, it would be of her _girlfriend_ : up close and personal.

"Sure!" Smiling, Nozomi sat up on the bed, her legs dangling off the side as she looked into the camera. She stared down the lens as she always had, being captivated by the beauty held within. This time, when the shutter clicked, she didn't put down her camera with a sad sigh. She put down her camera with a feeling of relief. It was her first picture of Nozomi with them being together. She would always treasure it.

As it turned out, she wasn't the only one who wanted a picture. Before she could suggest they go back to the party, Nozomi had pulled her back down onto the bed, pulling out her phone. It was obvious what she wanted, and Maki was willing to cooperate. She leaned into Nozomi, feeling a comfort she had never experienced before. For once, the smile on her face came naturally as Nozomi took a photo of them together.

"That one's going straight to Instagram," Nozomi declared with a smile, getting an eye roll from Maki. The two of them stood up together, heading out of the room and back to where the rest of their friends were. They were returning in a very different state than they had exited, smiling and holding hands. Neither of them cared that their friends were going to ask questions. Those were questions they could answer now, because both of them had left their masks back in the bedroom.

"Woah, uh, did we miss something? What were you two doing?" Nico was the first to notice the handholding, pointing it out rather loudly. The rest of their friends in the area turned to look at what Nico was pointing at. As soon as they saw the two of them with their fingers entwined, a thousand questions must have passed through their minds. To their credits, they all stayed silent, waiting for them to answer. Maki and Nozomi looked down at their held hands, then up at each other. Smirking, they turned back to their friends and spoke simultaneously.

"It's a long story."


End file.
